A two-fold purpose
Well, after that somewhat depressing and revealing entry, I bet that some of you thought that I would be out of it for a few days, if not a week. Truth be told, that was what I was planning: when someone leave the field wounded he is not likely to return for a while, even if his wounds come from his own stupidity. But my guardian angel and my patron saints (or maybe just my conscience, I can never really tell) seem to urge me to make one last stand against the darkness, and before I do I want to explain myself. Needless to say, this might be the last entry for a while (but then again, I am often compelled to write even when I truly do not feel like it, so who knows) and I want to leave on a positive note.
First an explanation of my last post. It is rare for me to expose myself like that, even to my closest confidants. I am sorry if my frankness offended or upset anyone. It is just that for too long have I carried that load of doubt and worry around my neck like an anchor. I doubt, I worry, I feel pain and loneliness, and sometimes I despair. I try not to show it, or when I do I try to wear it like a mask of joy. "Be joyful for me," I say, "I am destined to be single! Think of all the freedom I will have. I can wander the earth without ever being tied to one place longer than I wish by family. I can use all I earn to do things I want instead of saving for someone or something else." The honest truth is I know I cannot stand alone. As much as I hate to admit it I fail if I am left to my own devices. I just wanted to let you know that. And at the same time I wanted to thank you for not leaving me alone. My friends are my family, and I love you all dearly, even if I don't say it often or out loud. I want to thank everyone for the last four years. They have been some of the best of my life, and I hope to see all of you again so that we can make more memories together. If that is not possible or is against God's will, than let us at least pray for one another so that we can see each other in the next life.
The second purpose I have for this e-mail is to give a *very* brief synopsis of my plans for the next few years, of course not going into too much detail. As you know from previous posts, I want to go to Marquette University for my MA in Communications, emphasis on Journalism. Everything (well, almost everything) I am doing now is focused on that end. But that end is not the end of my goals. Nay, it is but a stepping stone to reach my true goal: world travel. I want to travel all over this great country, over Canada, Japan, Asian in general, Europe and the British Isles, Australia, South America, maybe even Africa and the Middle East once things cool down a bit there. I want to see the various cultures men have created. I want to see the cities and suburbs, the natural wonders and the ancient glories which we as a species have constructed. And most important of all, I want to bring those things to the people that can't travel there themselves. I want to show the average American the spectrum of culture and the beauty of things they cannot see themselves. Anyway, the way I see it the best way to attain this end is to become a Journalist/Photojournalist. I love to take pictures, so it is a natural fit.
As you can see, however, it does make it a bit hard to have a family life too. I can't be a good husband and father if I am constantly off traveling to some remote corner of the world. And yet, if I do not have someone to come home to, will I truly have a home or will I just have a semi-permanent base of operations? Time and God will tell, I guess. The advantage to getting the degree is that if I ever settle down I can get a job (hopefully) without further education, so I am trying to keep my options open to an extent.
Anyway, I hope that this makes up for the earlier post. No quote, you already got one... Oh yeah, I forgot to do one in the previous post before the last one. OK, fine, here is another quote and now we're even:
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." - Groucho Marx
Be safe, and until I post again, God Speed!
First an explanation of my last post. It is rare for me to expose myself like that, even to my closest confidants. I am sorry if my frankness offended or upset anyone. It is just that for too long have I carried that load of doubt and worry around my neck like an anchor. I doubt, I worry, I feel pain and loneliness, and sometimes I despair. I try not to show it, or when I do I try to wear it like a mask of joy. "Be joyful for me," I say, "I am destined to be single! Think of all the freedom I will have. I can wander the earth without ever being tied to one place longer than I wish by family. I can use all I earn to do things I want instead of saving for someone or something else." The honest truth is I know I cannot stand alone. As much as I hate to admit it I fail if I am left to my own devices. I just wanted to let you know that. And at the same time I wanted to thank you for not leaving me alone. My friends are my family, and I love you all dearly, even if I don't say it often or out loud. I want to thank everyone for the last four years. They have been some of the best of my life, and I hope to see all of you again so that we can make more memories together. If that is not possible or is against God's will, than let us at least pray for one another so that we can see each other in the next life.
The second purpose I have for this e-mail is to give a *very* brief synopsis of my plans for the next few years, of course not going into too much detail. As you know from previous posts, I want to go to Marquette University for my MA in Communications, emphasis on Journalism. Everything (well, almost everything) I am doing now is focused on that end. But that end is not the end of my goals. Nay, it is but a stepping stone to reach my true goal: world travel. I want to travel all over this great country, over Canada, Japan, Asian in general, Europe and the British Isles, Australia, South America, maybe even Africa and the Middle East once things cool down a bit there. I want to see the various cultures men have created. I want to see the cities and suburbs, the natural wonders and the ancient glories which we as a species have constructed. And most important of all, I want to bring those things to the people that can't travel there themselves. I want to show the average American the spectrum of culture and the beauty of things they cannot see themselves. Anyway, the way I see it the best way to attain this end is to become a Journalist/Photojournalist. I love to take pictures, so it is a natural fit.
As you can see, however, it does make it a bit hard to have a family life too. I can't be a good husband and father if I am constantly off traveling to some remote corner of the world. And yet, if I do not have someone to come home to, will I truly have a home or will I just have a semi-permanent base of operations? Time and God will tell, I guess. The advantage to getting the degree is that if I ever settle down I can get a job (hopefully) without further education, so I am trying to keep my options open to an extent.
Anyway, I hope that this makes up for the earlier post. No quote, you already got one... Oh yeah, I forgot to do one in the previous post before the last one. OK, fine, here is another quote and now we're even:
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." - Groucho Marx
Be safe, and until I post again, God Speed!
posted by The Scholar at 12/14/2005 03:13:00 PM
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